Starting Over

I sit here, fingers poised, waiting for those first words to open the floodgates of thoughts. The thoughts that I’ve been wanting to share with you all. So much has happened since I first began. I wrote earlier about hubby’s health problems and the rollercoaster we’d been on since October 15^th, 2021, when my book was published, and Jim had his life-threatening health scare. There came the time I needed to make him and his recovery a priority, so I let go of my blog and most book-related tasks.

I’m happy to report that in the last three weeks he has done a turnaround and is no longer in need of my hyper-vigilance. He is once more self-sufficient, able to drive, and walking tall. I am now readjusting and letting go, relieved to have my helpmate back with me. I must confess, sometimes I doubted this day would come, but we put on foot in front of the other believing that we could make it. That is a philosophy I live by. I only must do this step, then the next will follow. That keeps me focused and able to attend to the task at hand and not worry about the unknown.

I just realized I am also writing this on the anniversary of the day I first heard those frightening words regarding my health, severe stage emphysema. Another time when there was a dramatic shift in my life as I knew it. We were both in shock and, frankly; I thought I might have three or four years left. So, I decided I’d do the best I could to prolong them and make them the best years I could. Here I am 22 years later and oh my goodness, the things I’ve been able to do. The biggest is, of course, publishing a book at 80. Not bad for someone who thought they had a death sentence.  

How have I done it? Frankly, I’m not sure, except I took it one step at a time. I decided I’m living with this disease, not dying of it. I began taking better care of myself, quit pushing so hard to do some things, i.e., a job, and harder to do things that brought me joy, peace and allowed me time to rest on my schedule. Oh, I took some time to lick my wounds, have a pity party, and shed a tear or two. I allowed myself some time for my body and spirit to heal and work through the grief that comes with any lifestyle change. To honor it and with that, I could accept that I had to be proactive in my health, not sit and wait for death to call me home.

One of the first things I did was to get a computer and look for writing sites. And the rest is history as I quit talking about writing and began exploring it. I also have taken on many new hobbies and challenges along the way.

I believe each day we can begin again. Each morning I wake up, I have the choice to waste the opportunity or seize the day. Some days I seize the moment, which leads to the hour on and on until the day is done. There are days that fly by so fast I’m not sure what I accomplished, but I know I was busy the whole day through and felt proud at the end. Other days, I may feel like I’m swimming in molasses and accomplish very little. That’s when I must watch the negative self-talk. To do that, I ask myself what I would tell someone else under the circumstances, then apply that same compassion to myself.

So, I will not waste time feeling bad that I’ve neglected this, my latest project. The blog that I had much angst about starting in the first place, but as I walked through the fear, realized I liked it. There was a time I would have sabotaged it, rather than admit I was apprehensive about taking on something new. In fact, when I was struggling with the time and energy to spend time here with you all, I questioned whether I might have been doing that. But the reality was when I had those moments when I thought I might get to it, I was so exhausted that I would fall asleep. So, I honored what my body was telling me and rest when I could as my goal was to get to the other side without crashing and burning. Here I am, a little battered and bruised but still standing, and after taking a few days to rest, I am once again ready to start over. I hope those who have subscribed will continue to follow and give it another chance, plus tell your friends and neighbors. I know if I want you to follow me, I now need to follow through. New beginnings are very exciting, don’t you think?