Balance

There are mornings I wake up and reach for my bootstraps to pull myself up, and struggle. As hard as I try, I just can’t seem to get a handhold to do it. It’s then that I realize I’ve grabbed a pair of slippers and the boots are still sitting in the closet. I tell myself it’s important to get them but that willful child in me cries, “NO, not today. I don’t wanna.” and there you have it, folks, me on the horns of a dilemma.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like it. I even try to find the big girl britches and find only little girl ones. So, my question is does one always have to ignore that voice that says, ‘for God’s sake, just let me have one day off, let the cheerleader rest, and Pollyanna shine her sunshine in someone elses’ eyes.’

That’s one thing about dealing with life it’s knowing when to push and when to rest. It’s something we all struggle with, especially those of us, who’ve been told that idle hands are the devils’ workshop or some such saying. I know that at this stage of life I can not stop pushing each day. I agree with that fine doctor of mine when he says that I must keep moving. I can ill afford to sit too long, but why can’t I rest a bit? Don’t I dare to take a day off to lick my wounds? Can I give myself permission to have moments of self-pity if I shake it off in a timely manner? Then begin again either later in the same day or no later than tomorrow?

Balance is a tricky thing, isn’t it? And after all that’s what this is all about, finding balance in our lives so we can continue, to take time to adjust the balance beam, so it doesn’t derail us. While watching Nik Wallenda make his walk across the Grand Canyon, June 23, 2031, I remember a couple of things that impressed me. One was he took it slowly and when he began to become unbalanced, he stopped, rested, talked to God, and then began again. He did not rush, trying to push forward headlong into the winds that were buffering him. He made every attempt to work with the elements instead of against them, all the time acknowledging he was not alone in his walk. He did not panic, nor did he accuse himself of not trying hard enough, he went with patience, an ear to his inner self to keep his physical balance, and slowly but surely, he advanced across that large chasm with no net, no safety wires, nothing but a balance bar and his faith in his abilities and his God.

So, on the days, when my body is enraged, I’ve too much demanding my attention or the world seems to be spinning out of control, I will take a page from his book. I will leave those big girl britches in the drawer and those boots with bootstraps in the corner of the closet. I will slip my feet into my comfy slippers, and I will wrap my aching body in my soft comforter, I will put on some soft music, read a book, or find something I enjoy watching, hopefully, something that will make me laugh because after all laughter is the best medicine and most of all I will not chide myself, nor call myself a quitter. I will rest, sip hot chocolate, pet my dogs, and take a time out. I write this note to me as much as to anyone. I will do what I need to do to keep a balance in my life. That is something I am responsible for, no one else can do for me.

For today I will adjust my balance pole to continue my walk across the high wire called life.